Love, RUNWAY: A Letter to My Younger Self on Money, Power, and Healing by Laurika

LOVE, RUNWAY is an ongoing series of original written works by members of the RUNWAY team to remind ourselves and each other of the love we share for our work, our communities, and our people. To continue developing the muscle of reimagining what the world would look like if the economy loved Black people we write love letters to different points in humanity's timeline. We hope these stories will help others connect with our purpose and showcase the richly textured humans behind our work.

Over the past 10 years, I’ve been on a healing journey. It’s only recently that I’ve realized this journey has been leading me to reconnect with you. To rebuild our relationship and let myself be guided more and more by your wisdom––the wisdom of play, joy, ease, connection, and confidence. You know exactly who you are and you’re not afraid to stand in your power, to make mistakes, fall down, and get back up again. 

You don’t know this yet, but over time, you will get lost, buried under the fear of making mistakes, the need to do things perfectly, and the attempts to control things that are outside of you as a way of avoiding pain and suffering. For a period of tim, these layers of fear and doubt will become paralyzing, eclipsing your natural ease and ability to trust yourself.

You will grow up with many different ideas around money, partly because of Mom and Dad’s very different class and cultural backgrounds. You will hear that money is the root of all evil, but also a necessary evil. One that’s better to have around than not. You’ll see Dad balancing the checkbook on a weekly basis––counting every dollar and spending cautiously. Fiscal responsibility and living within your means is a value that you will inherit from him. You’ll witness Mom spend money with the ease of someone who grew up with a safety net. And you’ll come to understand that money can be a source of tension and conflict, which makes it seem scary and bad––something to be desired and yet held at arm's length.

Coming back to you has been a spiritual journey that requires many different tools, practices, and modalities. But money––the “necessary evil”––was never something I expected to be part of my toolkit.

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“RUNWAY uses capital to heal, repair, and connect.” When I first read these words on the RUNWAY website, I immediately knew I was meant to be here. They stirred something in me and have guided my journey over the past several years as RUNWAY’s Portfolio Director. 

I found myself in the field of reparative finance by accident. I’ve always been good with systems and processes––the behind-the-scenes work of making a thing run. I navigated my way from film production to small business operations and then to social finance––the world of people trying to use money for good. Somewhere along that journey, I discovered that my intersecting identities had positioned me well for this work and that I connect easily with many different types of people––from wealth holders to business owners. 

When I started at RUNWAY, I thought that the use of capital to heal, repair, and connect was primarily directed at the entrepreneurs we serve. But over time, I’ve come to realize that this work isn’t just about supporting others—it has also been healing and transformative for me. Engaging with capital in this way has pushed me to unlearn scarcity mindsets, to see money as a tool for possibility and care, and to reimagine what true economic justice looks like—not just for the business owners we work with, but for myself and all the communities I’m part of too.

And that is certainly a large part of the work. In my role, I get to hold space for folks throughout the many ups and downs of a business’s journey. I get to be part of the decision to extend capital to a business owner, to say, “We believe in you,” and to witness the profound impact of that belief on folks who may have experienced nothing but trauma from the financial system. 

I also work with folks during the difficult and scary times when things are not going well. When they are struggling to pay their bills and make ends meet. A typical collections officer doesn’t want to hear your story - that you can’t pay because someone in the family got sick, or you’re worried about running out of cash because the price of your raw materials has doubled. At RUNWAY, we don’t just care about getting our money back, we care about the business owner as a whole person - and their employees, vendors, and community too! When I contact folks about missed payments, I have the honor and responsibility of saying to them “I care about you. I want to know what’s going on and to help you turn this around. We will create a path forward together.”

Recently, an entrepreneur reflected back to me that my work is like being a mix of a lender, coach, and therapist. And she’s not wrong. At the best of times, the work is magical, and the healing, repair, and connection runs deep.

And if I’m being honest, it’s not always like that. Sometimes, people aren’t ready to take responsibility for themselves, to hear what needs to be said, or to do what it takes to overcome their own roadblocks and stuck places. And sometimes I’m not ready. Sometimes, I retreat to the part of me who is scared and feels like she’s not good enough. In trying to protect herself, she can be reactive, blaming, and defensive. But she is just one part of who I am—just as “money is the root of all evil” is only a fragment of our complex relationship with the financial system. It is easy to identify with the darkness, and sometimes, we need others to help us return to the light.

I’m deeply grateful to my RUNWAY family for dreaming up a world where all of this is possible. For supporting me in the day to day practices of showing up and living into my values. For helping me deepen my connection to you, my 5-year-old self, who dances with abandon, cries without reservation, and loves wholeheartedly even when it’s terrifying.  For building a world where capital, of all things, is one of the tools that helps us all to get free.

Love,
Laurika

Laurika Harris-Kaye (She/They) is a changemaker, systems enthusiast, and seeker.